State Side Volume 1: Guns, Booze, and Stereotypes

Joe flying me around in his Powered Parachute - AMAZING!

It's hard to Belize I've been back a month already.  It seems like just yesterday I was enjoying the company of my friends, feeling the nip of the cool Colorado air, driving a car, and by the end of it feeling like I did miss the simple life here.  I'm glad to be back, even gladder I went, and truly feel like I've found a good balance these days (in most areas of my life - guessing the pan of brownies for lunch wasn't a good "balance" decision; but chill out mom that didn't really happen...or did it?).

First Dinner Home - Best Rolls EVER

So you want highlights?!  You want low-lights?!  I know you do!  I mean heck, the first section of my Cousin Jennifer's yearly Holiday letter that I read is always her "vital statistics" section...but that will come at the end.  Oh yeah...and this is only volume one of a yet to be determined number of releases. Lots of stories, and many may not reach the light of day.  But the sooner we get started the sooner we can go back to our drinks.

My Texas 'whip' - BMW 52?something

My window of time to see my main man Mark was incredibly tight.  I flew in on the 4th, and he left the 5th at 3pm for training in some other part of the US...trick is he was located about 340 miles away from my port of entry (the Bush International Airport - which had a lot of trees...but I really didn't see any bushes).  So after some yummy BBQ at Spring Creek, the BEST ROLLS EVER (like if Casa Picasso put their lobster sliders on this bread people would start WW3 for the rights to it) and a good nights rest I blazed a trail from Houston to Weatherford (just outside Fort Worth) in my parents sweet BMW 5 Series...that's right I haven't driven in 2 years and my parents were like "sure take our car on a 700 mile journey"...I keep telling you they're nice people.

Rita, Kristy, Joe - eating BBQ and sipping home brew

I truly cannot explain the what a relaxaing and joyous feeling it is to pull up on the Short Farm.  I met Joe and Rita (Mark's Aunt and Uncle) at Mark and Kristy's wedding many years back, and they are two of the most hospitable people I know (which runs like wild fire in Mark's family - and those they pick as spouses).  So much so that I stopped at their place when I was moving to Belize, originally for a night, and stayed 2...or maybe 3!  Joe crafts his own beers, which are on tap in the pool house, grills some great meat, and both he and Rita are such relaxing and calm spirits (which is odd since Joe is has an outwardly wild and exuberant persona) that you can't help but never want to leave.  Interestingly enough I'm pretty sure Joe will also be the neighborhood cat "lady" at some point...unless Rita can save him.

Joe, Kristy, Mark - all packing heat...that target is gonna get it

For our day on the Short Farm we did what you do in Texas...shoot guns, grilled meat, drank beer, flew around in a flying machine, and played some pool volleyball.  Joe and I dominated at volleyball (Mark had already got his car service to the airport - a great story here, but will remain untold)...even when his neighbor (who's name escaped me) went onto the girls team; didn't matter, we cleaned house! Truly an amazing first day back - seeing so many great friends, sharing beer and food, and flying in Joe's Powered Parachute; which is basically a go-kart with a big fan strapped to the back - kudos to Joe for wanting to try a third time when the first two takeoff attempts didn't go so well...but these things are very safe.

Me and my Aunt Dorothy

After a night on the farm it was off the next day; I drove back to Houston, with a stop in Huntsville to see my Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Kermit.  YEP!!  Kermit is my uncle.  Now you know why I can jump so high...and like thick women - for 'reals' though he's like a super famous author, check out his world famous book by click right HERE!!! For now we travel by air to Phoenix where my buddy Andrew and his lovely lady Amber live.  Two nights visiting his clan on tap.


Andrew is a friend from the old hotel days.  When I worked at Stonebridge Companies I was in charge of all Best Western and Wyndham branded hotels for them (that was 2 tiny hotels total...) and I went through Wyndham training with Andrew who worked for a company in Phoenix (at one point we were both SBC employees as well...and we're both NAU Lumberjacks!).

The Glazed Donut Gilled Cheese

Had a great time just relaxing, family dinners, chillin' each night in the pool with a HUGE PBR - it was 36 glorious ounces of PBR, and after being stuck with Belikin for 2 years it tasted like liquid gold; not as hot or melty as gold would be...okay that's a terrible analogy but I think you get my point. Amber made an amazing creation night one that she was nice enough to share, and I duplicated the next day...a grilled cheese on a glazed donut (Google just WILL NOT let me use "donut" without the "s" on the end...is it THAT inconceivable that I only had ONE donut?!).  No joke - so simple and yet one of the best things I've put in my mouth.  You need a good amount of butter, gotta basically get the glaze melting again and then have it recrystallize into an almost hard shell coating. I can't imagine what would've happened had I tried to put some bacon in there - I'd likely still be standing in their kitchen in a comatose state.  In fact I see bacon with a butter/sugar glaze coming to a charter in the near future.

All my hotelier friends will appreciate what Andrew did here!

One of Andrews adorable kids made a couple uber cute comments.  Night one I get there and he's telling me how I'll be using his bed with the sharks on it - and I need to be careful and "don't let the sharks bite you."  Then later he was asking if Andrew was sleeping in the bed with me, I said I doubted it.  He asked if Andrew would us the top bunk, I again said I doubted it and that he'd likely sleep in his room with Amber.  He looked at me and said "but you're here only two nights, why doesn't he sleep with you?"  I love the innocence of youth, that humans can live free of the negative connotation and thoughts that something must be abnormal.  Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to have slept alone, but I loved witnessing the pure innocence of youth - something we rob far too often and early these days.

Kitty Cat Time

Beer is not hard to get in Belize, but it is in the states for minors.  At a gas station one night there may or may not (but definitely WAS) an offer for a blow job in exchange for buying this under age girl some beer...we left the gas station and she was still beer less.  The next day driving through town in a rather large F-350 a lady in another very large truck hit our mirror with her mirror.  After agreeing to a quick cash exchange for repair she asked us to follow her to work so she can get the money.  She was an attractive Asian woman, looked Vietnamese, very well put together, nice clothes, boobs too large to missed by a passing satellite.  Andrew looks at me and says "not to be stereotyping...but I bet we're headed to a nail salon."  After a few blocks we round the corner, pull in a strip mall and see a huge Pho restaurant...which we drove right past stopping at the nail salon on the other side.


The next morning I boarded a flight bound for Colorado.  The bulk of my time, the bulk of my previous life...well...same life but my previous self I suppose.  I had a lot of very interesting revelations about a number of things during my time in Colorado.  Some you'll hear about, some I'll keep for me, and still others I've likely forgotten already.  

Time to go see what the tide has brought in today.  I've been on a real winning streak the past 37 years or so.

How to Guide: Hooker Advertising

I've never been a hooker. I've never slept with a hooker...okay I guess no one "sleeps" with hookers - but to be clear I have never paid for sex. Well hell...isn't that what dating is? To be as clear as I can be - I have never taken money and given it to a women (or man) for the express intent of getting sex. Okay people?!

So what do I know about hooker advertising? Fair question - I'm not very suggestable, ads really don't have much effect on me. However, a hooker that advertises her craft well can really make a guy think twice. I have experienced first hand this version of advertising on two occasions (once again...didn't buy the product; but I sure enjoyed the ad).

If you were one of the 7 people that read my last blog you say the reference to my Father's great experience. Well he has graciously let me tell the tale; the tale of the day he first experienced the advertising of a skilled hooker. A technique I like to call the Stealth Ninja Penis Wrangle.

The sun as waning (if that means setting...cause it was setting) in the west; nothing more than a faint yellow resembland of the blazing ball is was just minutes earlier. My Father and I strolled harmlessly down the street in West End on Roatan in Honduras. We wre minding out own business an lazily chatting about the prospects of taking in some highly recommended Thai food (I tried to use that word that mean food, the one that starts with the "c" but I couldn't spell it close enough for Google to figure out what I meant...ug) at Thai's Place - side note...best Thai I've had in 2 years.

I saw it...like a spark of electricity shot through Pops. As he turned slowly to his left (where I was walking maybe a pace back) I stopped and stood in stunned silence awaiting the reason for such a quick and unexpected guttual reaction to...well I had no freaking idea...apparently nothing. I gave a quick scan expecting to see some epic topless big 'uns somewhere...nope...that wasn't it. So I looked back at Pops, cocked my head to the side and likely raised an eyebrow in interest.

With a grin from ear to ear my father picked up his right hand and crookedly pointed at the young woman in the red dress that had just walked past us. I hadn't even really noticed her till his motion. as he pointed he simultaneously asked "did you see that?" through the excited toothy grin of teenager.

All I had noticed was a girl, in a red dress, walking down the street opposite us.

Well what I missed was an event that had not happened to my father in any of his previous 71 years on the planet. Seeing as I have been approached by some...well...hourly girlfriends lets call them; I was a bit more familiar with their advertising techniques.

You see, as this well put together young lady walked by Pops, she stealthily reached over, and gently fondled his twig and berries, gave his a smile, and just kept walking. An even that made his day...nay...his entire trip.

And that is the story of the Stealth Ninja Penis Wrangler.

Looking back I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me that we walked up and down West End every night there after!

The Charles Dickens Theorem

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days...well, that's a bit extreme on both ends.  This day did posses both ends of the spectrum, violently shifting at times.  It would provide hope, then steal it away and leave it harder to get back up.  So many of my friends had really rough days too - sorry to all of you...may tomorrow's tide bring a brighter day for us all.

I really do my best to post nothing negative in my blog.  A couple times I've been asked - "why didn't eating at our place make a blog post?"  Well, if I didn't talk about it then it's likely because you didn't want me to talk about it...just trust me.  No one was the cause of this terrible day, well nothing mortal, perhaps eternal...but that's a subject for another post.  

Anyway I digress, and with few pics to keep you interested I can't afford digression.  My day started when Carlo and Ernie's closed for the night and the BTIA Board finally called it a night.  The actual meeting ended hours earlier - but lets face it the real progress and action happens after the meeting. The bonding and networking on beers 4 + is lasting, the planning effective, and the plans will move...maybe.  Got a few hours of sleep and got up at 6am for what was to be a GREAT day for the Ecologic Divers.  

We've put a lot of work into planning and prep of new trips.  We spent time designing foods and plans; we executed those plans...things were going so good and the team was really rocking.  We were going to have the biggest day of the season so far and a great 'test day' for all off shore trips coming up.  Then the worst fears were realized, the winds picked up and the heavens pissed on us...basically pissed all over my f-ing Cheerios.  We adjusted one way, and another, tried to make back up plans...and Mother Nature (that ruthless biotch) thwarted our every effort.  

So much investment in food, plans, prep, labor - to ruin.  The crew was great, the plans went off perfectly, and our confidence is high for our next off shore trips; but the bank doesn't take "confidence" when payroll comes around after the rain washed all our revenue down the drain like that silly Itsy Bitsy Spider. But just like that like that silly spider, I will climb the spout again.    

I won't detail the rest of the ups and downs...but at the end of the day I was ready to lay face down in the Sargasso and let the tide carry me away.  Then I thought I didn't want to get my phone wet so I got up.  And it's a good thing I did.

I initially laid down after closing the shop to nap or die...whatever at that moment.  When my new friend Heidi decided she was going to try the new joint in town - Nook - and invited me along.  I certainly obliged; though I had dinner plans already, they were for late dinner, so splitting an app and having some fun chat was certainly a good change from 'laying down to nap or die'.  PS - since I didn't eat much I won't give Nook a full review yet; I'll just say I was very pleased so far.  Heidi was so kind to buy my app and drink!  I always have a hard time feeling okay letting people buy me things, but I'm getting better at being gratefully accepting.  When you can put aside the fight to pay and just accept a friends generosity you find a warming in the heart.  To feel that value that the friend puts on you, to be worthy of them spending their hard earned resources just to spend some time hanging out.  Makes an inside smile happen :)

After that it was on to Sandbar Hostel - where Brittney was cooking up my favorite meal, Chicken Fried Steak and Mash, for a few lucky souls (Matt, Sara, Eric, Jeff Parker, and another fellow who's name has escaped me).  Amazing. I can't talk about it without my belly crying tears of joy.  Knowing that such a great CFS cook is only 200 yards from my house.  I tell you the generosity to personally cook up a family meal for us to enjoy - I'm truly speechless.  Kindness at it's height.   The real treat wasn't the food. It was the friends at both dinner stops!  Many times the friends here have made a very positive impact in a very needed time.

I could've had that CFS, or even a better one if such existed, alone and not felt the total attitude adjustment that I got between the two hang outs.  Being a bit of a recluse I can easily forget that important fact.  We all find a day when we get stuck in the shit - and having hands to reach out is more valuable than nearly anything we can come up with ourselves. 

Perhaps more importantly is when you have the opportunity do - you reach out?  I try.  Likely not the best at it by any stretch...but I hope to always do better.  Be a good neighbor and all that jazz right?! RIGHT!!  Everyone has a bad day and it's our jobs as friends to extend a hand.  Sure, I still need to win the lottery to make payroll, but passing time with great friends and feeling that since of value is priceless to the hidden emotional confidence that is so key to success.

Help those around you and build that confidence, allow their help to fill you with a joy and a warmth of value.  We'll all be better people for it. 

Year One

Ecologic Divers Dock,
San Pedro, Belize -
Photo by Robyn Clark

A year in.  Completed the entire season and now a bit of "down time" before the next season...I guess I get some - taking a few days to head to the mainland again to explore another district of Belize. Orange Walk last time, now it's on to Cayo; which is supposed to be fabulous - but that's a post for future Kendall.

Business Perspective - 

In total it was a great season.  Certainly not without its issues and certainly not without a few failures - but those that know me understand that I look at a failure as a moment in time; something you learn from, don't dwell on, and get up from smarter and stronger.  Never really been big on making all my goals public knowledge, while I thought about listing them for my 6 readers I decided against it.

A taste however is always on the menu.  My main goal is going to be cut very close...and I'll happily share about when it's complete; pass or fail...I'll tell you.  I think we're gonna achieve it though.  The major company goal was to make enough money to get two engines to get Blue Attitude back on the dock - and WE DID!!!  Engines acquired (a post in itself...) and being installed now.  Can't wait to have her back on the dock.

Overall I take my time when I'm new to an operation - and we all had a lot to learn this year; the change to a charter model drastically adjusts cash flow management (I'll spare you the details, but to some of my "number geek" friends it is quite exciting).  Cash flow management can be such a challenge as we may have need to save cash to provision charters during slow periods, or pay guys while we all take our 2 weeks in September.  So you're always looking and thinking "we I think I'm gonna make that sale...so maybe I can spend the money today?!"  Never a good idea but you got do what you gotta do.  The other trick is the meaning of tomorrow.  If someone is going to pay me money "tomorrow" that means at some point in the distant future in hopes that I'll forget about it - guess what...I won't forget...just get annoyed and not do business with you again!  However if I owe someone money and they want to collect it "tomorrow" that means 'write me a check cause I'll be on your dock to pick it up before the roster crows and if you aren't there I'm liable to burn your house down.'  So there's that...

Sailing Birthiversary Party for Parker
and "Jake" - a top memory 

Personal Perspective - 

Ah...I live in Belize...life is good!  Living abroad is an amazing experience.  It's really interesting the change in perspective and goals in life.  I say that - but I know plenty of people that live here and are basically the same I'm sure they were in their "previous life", if you aren't fitting in the community here - you're not learning something about life.  

The bars get old.  I do enjoy seeing friends and chatting, so that means bars.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my time there...but I also enjoy my money staying in my wallet!  It is nice that it's hard to walk past Lola's without someone yelling "HEY Kendall, come in for a drink!"  Of course that drink usually means I'm not getting home in the near future...which is not a bad thing...most nights.  

Girls and dating - still a non-existent scene.  My brother's at Lola's right now...and I'm supposed to go chat with his girl's friend.  So I will...not like he needs my help - *update ahead - fun girl.  Women are just too much effort. Perhaps I'm still suffering from "post marriage jadedness" or some such thing.   There has been a girl or two of interest; but sorry folks...I don't kiss and tell.  Lets just say nothing lasted.  One I wasn't quick enough with (oh well).  One turned into a "you coming over" every night girl (I don't play that - ain't nobody got time for that shit).  One I still chat with, never went out with...I mean dang...she's young; not illegal young, but girls under 30 are crazy and I'm not keen for short term stupidity with girls that live here.  A couple had true colors that were extremely unappealing.  In the interest of openness and honesty - I do have a good friend to pass some time with.  We know we're not either one's future, but it's fun for now...and we keep each other from making bad decisions with other people.  Something to be said for that.  

Okay - time to head to met the brother and do my brotherly duty.  After last nights "season's over" party with the boys I'm pretty done...but I won't leave a brother hanging.  UPDATE - Thank God I didn't leave a brother hanging; what a night.  That late night led to another super late night. Sure I had to fly around the country, conduct business, and watch a parade on 3.5 hours sleep.  But those be the nights that life is about.  When I'm breathing my last I can pretty much count on the fact that I'll be treasuring the times I didn't reach home till 4am...not the times I was sleeping by 9pm.  

I Can Hear Them, Crawling On The Floor At Night

The following is based on real events.  No names were changed as no one is innocent or in need of protection.  The pictures that follow are artist renderings....and I use the term artist EXTREMELY loosely.  

As of the writing of this entry I am simply lucky to be alive.  I hope what is being recorded in the following passage is not the final thoughts and writings I’ll ever record…but if they are; it’s been a good life.  This fear of impending death consumes me as a result of an altercation I had in the hallway of my apartment building, and two subsequent events. 

Returning home the other day, late…like 9pm…I was in a tired haze when I saw him.  I live on the 3^rd floor and our paths crossed as I came off the stairs onto the 2^nd floor landing.  He was huge, a hulking figure so large that it took my brain more than second to process what I was truly looking at.  Was I imagining it?  Did I get beaten and mugged and this was some sort of dream as I lay dying in a puddle of blood and wash water?  No…it was really happening.

The biggest spider I’ve ever seen staring me down.  Though I heard no voice I know he issued a telepathic threat.  His un-wavering stance made his intentions very clear; he would not yield.  I knew he was going to follow me, into my home, into my bed, and eat me.  There was only one logical option – a preemptive strike.  The first salvo fired was my foot in an attempt to crush him; but I was half too slow, and half lost my nerve when I realized that as my foot was going down his legs were still on either side of my sandal (see my highly skilled drawing just left).  I was sure he’d pick me up and throw me like a lee rag doll (lee – Creole for “wee” or small). 

He jetted to my left seeking refuge between the floor and a railing.  I took off my sandal and quickly fired a second salvo – once again too late as he slipped under the railing and out of sight.  Since then two of his cronies have made feeble attempts on my life. 

They were much smaller, but gray and hairy and had ferocious fangs…so still imposing (pictured just right).  The first attacker died at the hands of my body guard, Gaylynn.  His assault was made in broad daylight at the dive shop; I cried, Gaylynn squashed him with her bare hand ninja action…laughed at me and called me a baby.  The second was bigger than the first, today it came at me, once again in the shop…no Gaylynn here to save me, and he got away from my pathetically thrown water bottle, stealthily disappearing in the cracks of the wall. 

He’ll come again.  I’m sure the bounty on my head is high; perhaps 3 flies and cricket I’ve heard some say.  But it matters not – they’ll never find my treasure. 

Some ask how I sleep at night knowing doors don’t stop these fiends – well I’ll tell how…in the dark, my eyes closed, hugging a body pillow.  

SAGA and the Bowl of Pudding

So...it's been busy - I sat down after a long day and realized I needed to proof (yeah, you likely won't believe me, but yes I actually proof read this) and post my blog.  I got off the couch with the intention of fetching my lappie and publishing a blog...yet I found myself back on the couch with a bowl of pudding!  Pudding consumed - blog being published.  Priorities...

The day began much like any other day...I woke up.  The major question of the day - to go or not to go to the SAGA fundraiser tonight.  Being a guy that is finely tuned to all the energies and 'signs' that come my way (by now anyone that knows me is wondering how many Colorado Brownies I ate...none...), I studied the rain as it fell ever harder in the morning.  When it hit the "cat and dogs" level of pouring rain I decided to heed the sign: I must support the cats and dogs of San Pedro - a fundraising I will go!  TRUTH - it did rain 'cats and dogs' this morning but I didn't think of the reference till my bother said "funny it was raining cats and dogs...now we're supporting cats and dogs" when we were at the event.

The event of the day - SAGA Humane Society was having a cook-off!  Looking back at the handy dandy FaceBook event dealie-whopper I see they had free shots...not sure how I missed that...but I did. These fine folks do a lot of good for the 4 legged...actually we have to really just call them cats and dogs around here cause I've seen more than one that doesn't have 4 legs...friends.  You should totally like their FaceBook page and stop by to walk some dogs!

Was I rolling at the VIP table?  No.  Did I want to be?  No.  I got to sit with my pals, in the corner - nice deep bench with fabulous cushions.  Luna Loca is a cool venue.  Spent some time there over Easter weekend and had a good time then too. Friendly staff, good drinks, fun specials...good place to check out.  I don't get there much cause it's outside this hermits 3 block radius - but you should check 'em out.

On to the meat of the cook-off...and really the main reason I went.  First, I really need to apologize, I'm about to say things that will not be appreciated (especially by my biggest fan the unnamed travel writer that loves me so very much); won't mention who these dishes belonged too, and I certainly won't hold it against them beyond the confines of this event.  I was last in line (too much time chatting), and these fines folks gave of their time and resources to help this great event - so kudos to them!!  But I still have to critique, so on to the "what the heck dude...how did you come to a cook off with out enough food awards" - #1 - Bacon Wrapped Dates, #3 - Ginger Peanut Butter Sauce and Carrots (to be fair I got some carrots), #5 - Tropical Cheese Meatballs, #6 - Chicken kabob with Peanut Butter Sauce.  Yeah 1/2 the field failed to make it to end of the race.


It must be noted, that Victoria generously donated her meatball to me.  Apparently the slight hint of spice (that I adored) was too much for her fare pallet...good news for me.  Had the meat ball made it to the end of the race I MIGHT have voted for it.  It would've been top two for sure.  Even though I ate one I could not in good conscience vote for someone that didn't complete the event. This left me with #8 as the clear winner.  Licks was responsible for this little slice of heaven.  Very well cooked, the chutney was perfect and complimented the sesame tempura fish excellently.  The presentation was also astonishing; the only garnished dish that was served.  Spot on from plating to pallet - my vote - and the peoples vote - Congratulations to Licks on the event win!!

It was a good evening.  Not a late night, just quick enough to feel relaxed, but not too slow that you got bored between eating/raffle/speech/etc.  SAGA put on a great event again.  I'm not sure what the overall financial donation total will be - but while I was there they received two generous donations from anonymous sources; one for $1000 BZ and another for $300 BZ.

It should also be noted that SAGA needs help!  Cash is good, but you know what else can be great - your time.  Animals love companionship - and that's tough when you're in a cage.  So one day when you get bored why not head over and take some dogs for a walk?! Can be a great time.

Well...good deed done for the day.  Time to go chat with hot chicks online all night.

Kiteboarding Adventures on Ambergris Caye

Kiteboarding Belize...wow.  Over the years I've seen plenty of crazy people doing this sport and thinking they were bat shit crazy. Likely they are - but I hope to count myself among them!  I had many preconceptions about this sport that have vastly been proven wrong. An absolutely enormous thank you to Andy with Belize Sailing Center and Audrius the KiteXplorer instructor in San Pedro, Belize. Thank you so much for the invite - awesome experience and I will continue my kite education. There are so many great learning opportunities through this great organization - www.belizesailingschool.com


I've always been into some semi-extreme action sports; snowboarding and mountain biking.  So putting a board on my feet and going fast is nothing new - and water is softer than snow right?!  Not so much.  Audrius said, during my lesson, that I had the best kite control by a first day student he had ever seen.  Was this a move to boost my ego and get a good review?  If so - it worked.  But I was amazed at how well I was able to feel the kite and know what to so to get it where I needed it to be.

I've decided to tail the tale via my busted misconceptions about this sport.

Super easy and super quick rigging

Misconception 1 - Stupid amounts of gear, stupid amounts of set up (kinda like a baked potato if you know me at all).  Even as a guy that had to be walked through everything we had the kite setup and ready to fly in maybe 15 minutes.  The gear fit easily into packs, was REALLY light to carry, and not at all the cumbersome mess and cords and crapola I had been expecting. One trip to the boat is all it took; I took more junk to work most days in my previous life.

tacogirl.com - Audrus keeping her from
taking flight!

Misconception 2 - You have to be skinny and sexy and in great condition.   I'm a big dude, decent shape for my size, but still big.  My classmate on this day was tacogirl.com - the skinniest person I've ever known.  I was sure she was gonna disappear into the sky forever...she did not.  Though she did some pretty gnarly face plants.  The way the kite is attached to the harness takes the pressure off your arms and allows your whole body to feel the kite.  Your arms essentially hang free - only used to control the kite.  I was expected a huge pulling force on my arms, and it doesn't exist.  I can see how even a non athletic person can kite for hours.  Caye Caulker here I come!

Taking a stroll on the beach with 'teach'

Misconception 3 - I'm gonna slam into Caribbean Villas trying to learn this thing.  HECK NO.  We were taken to the back side of Ambergris Caye to this HUGE area in the flats.  There was a beach, sand bar and endless amounts of real estate to allow the kite to body drag us in waist deep water.  No hotels or docks to worry about, no deep water to struggle in.  Tons of space where we didn't have to worry about people or things - just us and our instructor.  Something else missing - NO Sargasso!!  The water was clean and free of the evil weed.

Embarrassing moment of the day - during one of my body drags I hit a shallow part of the sandbar, drug my waist on it...shorts hit my knees.  I'm happy to say I maintained kite control and got my pants up before anyone noticed.

No one around to worry about - can
learn all over this place!!

So if you've ever even fleetingly considered this sport...do it. Head down and do some sailing in Belize at the Belize Sailing Center at Caribbean Villas, and schedule a lesson.  Here's the caveat, let me know when you're going cause I want to come too.  I need to work on my kite control and body drags so I can graduate to a board!

It's Always the Team

There's a grip of things to talk about - but man I'm having a hard time finding the motivation, and if I keep putting it off then it will be such old news no one will really care (I typed that a week ago...so now it is all REALLY old new. Also, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to go a completely different way.  So - I think I'll just throw some pics up with very brief descriptions and hit topics largely unrelated to any of the weeks happenings.

Grant got married - 10 minute ceremony and hours of party...perfect.  Carnaval happened.  That was a wikked cool experience!  Bought clothes just to destroy them.  Went to a party with Captain Jack Sparrow as an official rum taster for an world famous blogger.  My official review - "the rum was...liquidy". Actual I had more to say, check it out on the tacogirl.com site - //tacogirl.com/tiburon-rum-white-a-night-of-flavorful-fun/.
Went on the best Sunset Sail of all time in celebration of Niles (you know him as "Jake from State Farm") and Parker (you know him as the dude I mouth shared a muffin with).  Killer Sail, no other words to describe the fun times had that day.

Roan - Dive Master, Charter Chef
Speared Lion Fish and served it up!

But after the last couple weeks I need to acknowledge that the fun can be had only because of the work.  I owe a great debt to my parents for educating me in my youth that work leads to fun if done right.  So I do my best to do work right; and I am most blessed to have a team that does the same.  Even today (now a couple days ago...I'm a slaker) our General Manager and I were talking about how amazing each and every one on our team truly is.

Charlie - Dive Master, Charter Captain,
Cooking at staff BBQ

We have a crew that comes in and works 6 days a week as a standard.  During busy season it can easily become 7 days a week, and a few of those 12 hours a day (anytime we sail).  The guests at the start of the day express the same amazement as those getting off the sails 12 hours later - utter amazement that each team member is bouncing all over the boat, smiling, cleaning,

Greg - What doesn't this guy do!
Amazing all around Tour Guide

feeding, whatever to take care of the guest...all while truly enjoying the experience.

Janel - Life of the shop!

As part of my job I try to expand our guest base, draw in business from new sources, etc.  I've been working on a tough nut to crack just down the beach that has strictly patronized a local "mega shop" that shall remain nameless.  They sent us 3 divers for a week; one of which was a student.  The 2 experienced divers have been to Belize several times, stayed at the "Tough Nut" and dove with the "Mega Shop" each time.  They left today feeling like our family; and minutes later that "Tough Nut" called me to set up a meeting for next week (now this week!) to send us more divers and set up packages for the future...win...courtesy of the little things this team does daily that no one else delivers...no one.

Shorty - Dive Master, Charter Captain
doing his best to cuddle Pops on a cold ride

I realize I need more picks!  I don't have any good shots a few team members...

As a leader it is always important to remember that you are your team.  Their performance opens the doors.  Their dedication lifts the operations.  I do nothing but help facilitate their greatness.

My bit of managerial advice for the day - don't worry about your guests, don't worry about your potential sources of business; but worry about only one thing.  As a manager (or owner) your focus should be singularly on your team.  Treat them better than they deserve, and let them then live up to that expectation.  Chances are they will.  If you treat your team better than your family - they will shine that to your guests, that word gets out, success will follow.

Thank you to each and every member of the Ecologic team.

Fish, BBQ, Boogers...er, ah, Bloggers!

Me and Boola - not my fish... 

Couple minor adventures have taken place since last we spoke. Went deep sea fishing for the first time, ate some BBQ at a fundraiser BBQ cook off thing,  Likely some other cool stuff I'm just not remembering right now...will work on that.  Fun stuff and some food porn ahead.

Gaylynn & Morgan

The Godfather and his Wahoos

So yeah - fishing.  I'm not a big fisherman.  I love going to the river, lake, or pond with my pole and chair.  Though I usually cast out an empty hook so I can just sit and enjoy nature all day. I mean really, who wants a bunch of fish ruining your day by making you work? I think I've covered this in a blog already - but meals I have to work for are not meals I'm interested in.  Fish is fine and all, but not interested in wrestling the bastards myself, just like I don't like to peel, though I love to eat, shrimp and I would be SO much happier if baked potatoes came out of the oven split open, insides mixed up with butter, salt, and pepper already in there.  We can genetically engineer anything! I've eaten apples that taste like grapes (so good). When will my damn potato have butter, salt, and pepper pre-grown into it?!  Can't be that hard.

Oh yeah, sorry - fishing.  We rode in a boat, we caught WAY to many fish for my liking, we went home, cleaned fish, bought a taco for dinner.  Eric pulled in a Wahoo, I pulled in about 30 billion Barracuda (couple monsters too), but the big winner was the Godfather; Shawn pulled in 2 Wahoo showing us all how it is done.  The most interesting moment was when a fish got off the gaf still alive, people were jumping out of the way all over - poor Victor took a mighty fin slap to the harry boys...I haven't seen him since but I assume he survived. Another fun moment was when a Barracuda we thought was dead came roaring back to life - leapt out of the box as a vampire barracuda I'm sure.  It went right for the Godfather's achille's (just like in 1000 Ways to Die!!).  Luckily Shawn's stealthy reflexes meant he was able to narrowly escape a certain death.  I highly recommend ForTuna - another great Ecologic partner.  Call us to book!  Full day and half day tours are available.

Who wants some Wahoo?!

My pile of Barracuda - well, mostly mine

"We pull up fish after fish...one of these times I just want it to be a cow." - Easton Beymer (mid way through our sail across the Caribbean, Tuna were plentiful...cows not so much).



4th Annual BBQ Fundraiser - I was kinda bummed cause I thought it was the 3rd Annual and was gonna have so much fun with how they say "turd" instead of 3rd down here...but it was the 4th annual, so I pretty much flushed my whole comic routine right down the crapper.  See what I did there?  Turd - crapper...hehehe. <--- poop jokes - another reason I'll never be a professional booger...er ah, blogger.

Sunshine doing the 50/50

Keith and bank rocking the event

 First a note - I did not win the 50/50 draw...but I know the lady very well that did. Though I won't mention the name of a big cash winner on the internet I will say that I cannot think of a more deserving person to have won this draw!  Thank you so very much to all the people that contributed their hard earned money to the Sunshine folks - very worthy cause, and know that the lady that won the pot is a great contributor to our community and is an overall star of human kind!

My plate of angel ribs

Boola about to chow

 This is where I tell you about all the different ribs right?  Not so much.  I'll leave that to the professionals, I'm gonna go rogue...largely cause I don't know who won.  I do know that my personal favorite was the judge's choice!  Yellow was amazing because of the spice...OMG...yum.  It was far to hot for the other people at my table, but it was just a phenomenal heat and flavor.  So often people will go for hot and forget about flavor; but this was the perfect combination of the too.  I do know that Charles, the reigning champ and host, was not in my top 3 for voting...so Charles. However - I voted largely on flavor, and I like spice. Charles had one very important thing going for him; best cooked by far.  His meat fell off the bones. The other guys all had the problem that I had to rip and pull with my teeth.  When Charles's rib touched my lips the meat jumped off the bone and landed in my mouth.  Thank you for that Charles.  I do need to know one thing - who made those beans?!  Holy delicious sides that made the meal!  I'm guessing Estel's, and therefore 'Charles was in charge' of it.  They were amazing.  Some sort of meat in there, or just 1/2 crushed beans...not sure, just amazing.  I'd eat a bowl of just those.  In fact - I'm going to Estel's for breakfast tomorrow.  Join me?

So it was a good time!  In closing - I've left a little game below.  We have a couple famous bloggers on the island; both of which I'm fortunate enough to know.  If you look at the picture below you will see - what could be - the only picture in the known universe to capture them both (neither terribly well, but this is a once in a lifetime shot that couldn't be passed up).  That's right, I captured two famous bloggers with one stealthy shot.  These famous bloggers are often read, but rarely photographed; where as I am often photographed and rarely read. One of them may have even authored a threat that I was "going down!" if I posted this picture...well I trip regularly, and my readership is an astonishing 5...really I'm surprised the internet hasn't removed me already. Therefore I find the threat very interesting.  Where am I going to go down to?  (Answer required....)  So if you made it all the way to the bottom of this then you have two options; consider yourself one of five people in the world with truly exceptional taste, or wonder what the hell you're doing with you life and go outside and play.  I for one am about to go outside and play.

Find and name the Bloggers and win a PRIZE!!!!

Iranian saying of the day - 'When two camels pass in the desert, then they were going opposite directions.'

Wolverine Slept at My House

Skitchin' is a common method of transport around here - grab onto a cart and let them power your bike.  Roads are bumpy so pictures can by difficult...especially lining up a panorama shot! Great shot given the conditions Sara.

I'm not sure where to go with this blog post - it was a pretty busy week and weekend; plenty of blog worthy bits and at different times thought about going so many different ways with it.  So I think I'll just start on the adventures of life on Ambergris Caye side of things and see where it takes me.

Bottom row (L to R) - Mark, Matt, Linda
Me. Upper row (L to R) - Maria, ??, ??

First I would like the humbly apologize to the lady in the back row of that picture on the left there - see she's picky something out of her teeth...or maybe getting ready to eat a booger...not sure (she's not eating a booger!!  That was a joke people!!).  Either way - I had to roll with this picture as it's the only one I took.  David and Linda were kind enough to invite us on their catamaran (the Cas Cat) for a Sunset Sail.  It was a nice little trip.  I really enjoy being on the water and the great thing about their boat is being much closer to the water, you can hear and feel it (though once the sun goes away you really don't want to feel it).  Fantastic Rum Punch as well!!  It was a great time with great friends.  Very happy to have them as friends, neighbors and business colleagues.

View from Amber @ Caribbean Villas

Super Sunday!!  And apparently there was some sort of game being played?  My view started at Caribbean Villas - where we began what became a 12 hour rum odyssey. Watching the ocean, sipping some drinks, listening to DJ Hoy...good times.  It was fairly interesting when I looked around the table and realized that of the dozen or so there - only 4 of us were Americans.  Just an interesting realization that my current "social group" is really short of Americans. Only a few months ago it was 100% US folk and now here I am and my group was 33% US folk - and two of them don't usually hang with us.  Diversity is a great thing - and really makes life a lot more fun (potential blog topic...maybe another time).

Superbowl @ Sandbar

On to that Superplate or Dumperbowl or whatever 'sportsing' event took place.  We caught the first 1/2 at Sandbar which is a nice little spot just north of us; amazing pig roast...OMG they can roast a piggy. At this point me and the Boola are about 6 hours into our RumBowl; by the time I worked out the math on what seemed like a light bill I realized I kinda forgot to tell the bartender I ate a plate of pork...so I didn't get charged for it...so I totally owe you guys some money. I hear the pizza is really good too; some day soon I hope to find out!  And pay for my delicious pork meal *insert Homer Simpson drooling noise now*.

SuperBowl @ Lola's

 TO LOLA'S!
On to watch the half time show and the second half of the contest of sport.  Half time was exciting - Sara and I were REALLY hoping for a complete wardrobe malfunction...didn't happen, but I did get to see my boobs later that night (okay mid the next morning).  Lola's was crazy busy, but all hands were on deck and drinks were coming out quick.  Met a cool judge man from Mississippi and his daughter and her friend...but that is a story for my man Mark to tell.  I was however fortunate enough to run into a woman I've been "crushing on" (I think is what the kids say these days).  It was brief, she was on her way out with her friends - headed up to their local bar.  I did get a touch, a smell, and smile - about all I need these days.  Anymore tends to lead to train wrecks - though I may have to spend a bit more time at her local bar now!  

Me and Mark

SIDE NOTE - "Local Bar" has a very different meaning down here.  In the States my favorite local watering hole was about 1.5 miles away and I past several drinking establishments on the way.  In San Pedro - my local bar is 100 yards away - and 'cute lady I may have no chance with but you'll all know as it will be blog worthy either way's' local bar is about 3/4 a mile away.  3/4 mile is not local down here...it's a journey - one I am most willing to make!

Here's my full, complete, and very in depth analysis on the OkayFork, or water that contest of sport was - Two groups men sported in a competitive fashion. One of the groups sported better than the other group; which lead to them achieving a greater number of tally marks, thus they were named as the victor of the contest.  

I've been drinking for 8 hours, my own brother just went to bed.  I should too...screw that - I'm hanging out with Wolverine, and the Reef View Massive! TO PEDRO'S!!!

From here on out it's really Marc's story to tell - a story of hot chicks, lust, and ultimate loss (none for me, which I'm cool with, too much trouble).  It was an adventure, but not my adventure.  I just chatted with Matt, Linda, Keith, and Amy for a few hours...ended up at Central Park with a great steak burrito and calm night all in all...the way I like it.  headed home..

Or are we - no... TO JAGUAR'S!!!
Okay we didn't make it to Jags...long story I don't feel like recounting - also not my story to tell again!  Fun night, fun day, awesome to hang out with new friends - good luck on the world journey Mark, and I'm happy as heck to let a great guy use my apartment.  That's right people - Wolverine slept in my house.

View from Greg's back yard

Me and Greg

Back to work - for a day - then hung out with Greg and the Ecologic cast for his BDay at night.  I have a great team of people.  So much fun to hang out with them, and Greg makes an amazing chicken dip!

I really should go work now.  My buddy Brian in coming in about a month for "a month" (it's really 3 weeks...)...may effect my productivity.


For the record it's been 4 hours since my last proof read and I did no work...