Being Santa Claus

Christmas or the "Holiday Season" for all you political correctness weirdos out there is a magical time of year.  People seem kinder, the air is full of excitement and joy, and most notably the short fat white guy is in high demand - the one time of year everyone wants to be around that dude; I am a short fat white guy.  As many of you may know I am not a huge fan of miniature or wannabe people; most of you call them children.  The small ones are cool cause they just look at you and stuff, but mobile talking kids - not my cup of tea in general.  Interestingly enough though I absolutely and undeniably love being a Santa.  Am I discovering some deep need to connect with children?  I am feeding my inner desire to bring peace and happiness to the masses?  Or am I fueling an deep seeded lust to be the center of attention?

How We Got Here...

Like most things that happen in this place the answer is simple - Brittney O'Daniel called me...and I can't say no to her.  Not because she my brother's girlfriend that makes the best kitchen fried steak ever, but because she does such amazing things and I would like to be a part of that - a very small part as I am lazy, but a part none the less.  So I agreed willingly to be the Santa for San Pedro Pre School; and once I met my helper Elfs I was even happier I agreed!


It was such a great day - only an hour or so long but SO MUCH FUN.  I had the easiest job, just sitting and handing out gifts; not really sure what could be better.  Only one child was scared and cried at me, several couldn't get enough hugs and kept coming back.  One little girl came up about 5 times after she received her gift, in between other children, just for another hug - which I gladly gave out as often as requested.  Here the seed was set...and a Santa was born!!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

As such San Pedro Town Board found out about my Santa ways and was quick to hop on the line of invites.  I kid you not; my second Santa gig ever was for the #1 TripAdvisor rated Destination in Central America for 2016.  Only one SMALL issue - I didn't own the outfit (yeah..."outfit"...since costumes are for fakers and I ain't fakin' nothing!!).  So thankful for my favorite Elf Carolina letting me use the suit again.  It still sits in my house; I'm looking at it right now.  Most of you know I'm usually great about returning things fast; and I tried.  Maybe I fear that after I return it she'll have no reason to see me again...so as long as I have it she's gotta chat with me right?!


Huge numbers of gifts were given to countless kiddos on this glorious day; I heard 1500 or so...sounds high...but I'll go with it.  3 great memories and I'll try to be brief:

This one tiny girl balled and cried and wanted nothing to do with me.  So with a quick pat and "Feliz Navidad" her mother took her away; and she belted out from the other side of the room "FELIZ NAVIDAD SANTA" through her cries and tears.  Perhaps those were tears of joy...

Cindy (who just delivered me the most amazing creamy chicken bacon pasta - if you don't subscribe to her food you should...it's amazing - call her 624-4659) came in to do actual business with her youngling "Tinker" in tow; as she walked past she immediately recognized me and asked her mum (cause they're Brits...so it's mum not mom) "why is Kendall dressed like Santa? Kendall, take that off right now! If you don't I'll call Santa and tell on you!"  Which she most obviously did since I had NO gifts under the tree this year...Tink...I'm coming for you in 2017! Though I'm sure she's 10 steps ahead of me already.

Found this one out a couple days after - Charlie works at Ecologic Divers (basically IS Ecologic, our longest tenured team member by a long ways) and he reported this to me - his little ones came in and got their gift and picture with me at Town Board.  The didn't say a thing so I thought I got away un-recognized.  That night as he was tucking them in one said "Dad, I have a big secret for you.  You better be real good at work because Mr. Kendall is SANTA CLAUS!".  Well Charlie made the eternal good list last night saving my life...another story for another day, but basically he pulled me out of the ocean in rough shape at 145am...eternally grateful...yep another day for that story.

Christmas Eve and Santa was Busy...

My Aunt Dee and Uncle Chris like to bring Christmas Joy to people, especially since they spent Christmas away from their grand kids and down here with so many cute kids that have need of help. They took it upon themselves round up a few staffers at the hotel they stayed at and got gifts for every kid of every employee there.  Helping them hand out stuff was Santa gig number 3!  I didn't think I was gonna have the Ho Ho suit for this one so I wore what my Aunt had acquired - yes, that's a Santa hat and tree skirt around my neck.  I've looked dumber before - hard to believe...but I have.

Big Time Santa...

Photo Credit - Laurie Norton, tacogirl.com

How the final gig came about I'm not quite sure; but two friends (Jake and Trevor) messaged me with in moments of each other with the same question - will you be Santa at Dixie Bowen's Christmas party? YEAH...duh!! That's the big time down here! No one that has desires of being a Santa and is in possession of their marbles turns that down.  

So I roll in, eat some great food, drink some yummy drink, and slink away to change into the suit - which is a really nice one.  We get into the living area and before heading to the changing room Lady Bowen asks where my helper is (Jake was there, drove me there introduced me to San Pedro High Society, but she was meaning a female Elf).  We quickly identified and selected Erica as the appointed elf for the night.  Lady Bowen instructed Jake to "go get Erica to help Kendall get changed; make sure she has a drink...she's gonna need it." So...now I'm all excited fairly certain this gig involves a "Bad Santa" type moment - much to my chagrin it did not; but I'm sure Walter (Erica's awesome boyfriend) is happy about that.  

So we rolled out in the super cool cart, I read the Night Before Christmas to a fleet of kiddos, handed out some gifts, posed for some pictures, and held a baby that was TOTALLY dead to the world.  I'm sure the next day that kid saw the picture and thought "Mom...you didn't wake me up for SANTA!!!" Okay likely he didn't care, but in my mind he did.  

Where it Ends - A Life's Calling...

So I think being Santa is my life's calling.  It was pretty rad.  I totally enjoyed ever second of it and when I took a lunch break at Town Hall I ate as quick as I could so I could get back to it!  

Ah Christmas.  A time of joy and love; family and friends; pain and sorrow.  We all put on a great face, but I wonder how many of us really feel that way all the way through; versus how many of us have a pit in their gut trying to get through.  I believe that we've 'commercialized' to the point that we all simply mask something.  I don't know what, and it's different for all.  Christmas is my favorite time of year, I enjoy spreading joy as well as receiving joy; but there's always been something below...something sad yet unknown.  From when I was young enough to recall to this current holiday I both enjoy sitting in near silence, with just low playing Christmas music in the back ground, and I dread it.  Maybe the extreme joyous highs make the drop to even a slight sadness seem that much worse?  I don't know...

Those that know me well know that I do not interpret emotions.  I feel them, but they confuse me and its terribly difficult for me to discern with any accuracy what's really going on.  It is with this empty feeling that I am confused.  I wonder if the extreme joy I feel during this season just 'needs' to be offset with a bit of felt 'sadness and loss'...I think that's what I feel.  Don't get me wrong people, I'm not depressed; love the Holidays.  Just seems like a double edged sword every year since I was a kiddo.  Extreme joy battling profound sadness.  A sadness for what reason I can't identify.  Worthy of note is that my tree was bare this Christmas and that didn't make it worse!  So it's not a gift thing (PS my family and brother got me awesome stuff, but as Santa I forgot myself!), I don't know...I'll worry about it next Christmas I guess.  Which means I won't worry about it then either!  The joy always FAR out weights the rest.

Seasons of Friendship

Sometimes I think...most times I don't...but sometimes I do.  Lately I've been contemplating the cycles of friendship.  I'm guessing the vast majority of people can identify with the situation of leaving your family or friends, or a part of them, for a new adventure in life.  We've gone to college, prison,  maybe moved for a job, chased a girl across the country...or a dream around the world.  You think you can't wait to go home, to see your friends again and get back into that life; however as you've heard; "you can't go home again."  It doesn't exist.  Your spot with your friends doesn't exist.  That life has past, and a new future is the only option.  Like all things in this world, friendship is a cycle.

Me, Mark, Katie, Amanda (some of the High School gang!)

We have so many hours a day, and so many minutes to spend in communication with people.  Lives change, circles move, and I've seen the struggle to keep connections with people in circles that at the moment just aren't touching - and the cost is that the loss of connection with the circles they are touching.  I'm just grateful to have loving friends that I know would welcome me back into their hearts like years hadn't passed. no matter how the dynamic needs to shift.

Perhaps the most telling example of what I'm trying to say with the "touching circles" talk is how we can all be sitting around a dinner table and glued to our phones.  We're in a direct circle, 100% - yet we make a choice to engage people outside of that; and we inherently loose the closeness and connection we can develop with those people, around that table in that moment.

That is a micro example of what I'm talking about in macro - years of separation, holding onto the past, and not allowing yourself to engage in the present.

First team I was honored to manage - and all friends!
Back - Nicole, Brie, Me, Tammy, ?sorry?, Tammy(yes, another one)
Front - Sonja, Julia (Little J), Nancy

Don't get me wrong.  I love my friends, and look forward to seeing each and everyone of them when I see them again. Though I know fully well I've been replaced in their lives - true not in whole, but in function my role is filled.  So I make the choice to not engage that role on any sort of active basis, but instead engage my new roles, with people I can affect in a positive way NOW.  Some of those people still live 2,000 miles away mind you - but a good many of them are within 2.


Please also understand this isn't so much a statement of miles, but distance in life; needs, goals, plans, behaviors, and of course pizza toppings.  I suppose I really don't know what my point is to any of this...maybe just to be a little aware of when you hold on too long and you pass up on the opportunity to invest in the now for something that once was...and could be again...but isn't right now.

I know...clear as mud.  Such are the musings of a Meandering Fool.

Now I have to go fulfill a promise to a friend - binge watching Stranger Things here I come!!

The Charles Dickens Theorem

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days...well, that's a bit extreme on both ends.  This day did posses both ends of the spectrum, violently shifting at times.  It would provide hope, then steal it away and leave it harder to get back up.  So many of my friends had really rough days too - sorry to all of you...may tomorrow's tide bring a brighter day for us all.

I really do my best to post nothing negative in my blog.  A couple times I've been asked - "why didn't eating at our place make a blog post?"  Well, if I didn't talk about it then it's likely because you didn't want me to talk about it...just trust me.  No one was the cause of this terrible day, well nothing mortal, perhaps eternal...but that's a subject for another post.  

Anyway I digress, and with few pics to keep you interested I can't afford digression.  My day started when Carlo and Ernie's closed for the night and the BTIA Board finally called it a night.  The actual meeting ended hours earlier - but lets face it the real progress and action happens after the meeting. The bonding and networking on beers 4 + is lasting, the planning effective, and the plans will move...maybe.  Got a few hours of sleep and got up at 6am for what was to be a GREAT day for the Ecologic Divers.  

We've put a lot of work into planning and prep of new trips.  We spent time designing foods and plans; we executed those plans...things were going so good and the team was really rocking.  We were going to have the biggest day of the season so far and a great 'test day' for all off shore trips coming up.  Then the worst fears were realized, the winds picked up and the heavens pissed on us...basically pissed all over my f-ing Cheerios.  We adjusted one way, and another, tried to make back up plans...and Mother Nature (that ruthless biotch) thwarted our every effort.  

So much investment in food, plans, prep, labor - to ruin.  The crew was great, the plans went off perfectly, and our confidence is high for our next off shore trips; but the bank doesn't take "confidence" when payroll comes around after the rain washed all our revenue down the drain like that silly Itsy Bitsy Spider. But just like that like that silly spider, I will climb the spout again.    

I won't detail the rest of the ups and downs...but at the end of the day I was ready to lay face down in the Sargasso and let the tide carry me away.  Then I thought I didn't want to get my phone wet so I got up.  And it's a good thing I did.

I initially laid down after closing the shop to nap or die...whatever at that moment.  When my new friend Heidi decided she was going to try the new joint in town - Nook - and invited me along.  I certainly obliged; though I had dinner plans already, they were for late dinner, so splitting an app and having some fun chat was certainly a good change from 'laying down to nap or die'.  PS - since I didn't eat much I won't give Nook a full review yet; I'll just say I was very pleased so far.  Heidi was so kind to buy my app and drink!  I always have a hard time feeling okay letting people buy me things, but I'm getting better at being gratefully accepting.  When you can put aside the fight to pay and just accept a friends generosity you find a warming in the heart.  To feel that value that the friend puts on you, to be worthy of them spending their hard earned resources just to spend some time hanging out.  Makes an inside smile happen :)

After that it was on to Sandbar Hostel - where Brittney was cooking up my favorite meal, Chicken Fried Steak and Mash, for a few lucky souls (Matt, Sara, Eric, Jeff Parker, and another fellow who's name has escaped me).  Amazing. I can't talk about it without my belly crying tears of joy.  Knowing that such a great CFS cook is only 200 yards from my house.  I tell you the generosity to personally cook up a family meal for us to enjoy - I'm truly speechless.  Kindness at it's height.   The real treat wasn't the food. It was the friends at both dinner stops!  Many times the friends here have made a very positive impact in a very needed time.

I could've had that CFS, or even a better one if such existed, alone and not felt the total attitude adjustment that I got between the two hang outs.  Being a bit of a recluse I can easily forget that important fact.  We all find a day when we get stuck in the shit - and having hands to reach out is more valuable than nearly anything we can come up with ourselves. 

Perhaps more importantly is when you have the opportunity do - you reach out?  I try.  Likely not the best at it by any stretch...but I hope to always do better.  Be a good neighbor and all that jazz right?! RIGHT!!  Everyone has a bad day and it's our jobs as friends to extend a hand.  Sure, I still need to win the lottery to make payroll, but passing time with great friends and feeling that since of value is priceless to the hidden emotional confidence that is so key to success.

Help those around you and build that confidence, allow their help to fill you with a joy and a warmth of value.  We'll all be better people for it. 

The Things I Miss

Okay, to properly get into a frame of mind close to where I am - maybe that will make this post better - you'll need to crack a Shock Top, or a Blue Moon, or even a PBR...ah...a PBR.  When I land (whenever that happens) in the states I'll be buying a case on the way "home".

Home.  Where the hell is that?  I typed it up there, then had to go back and put the quotation marks around.  Like it was a solid place in my mind...'home'...was a solid place.  But it isn't.  I'm in the middle I'd say.  Between here and there.  I loved it there.  I love it here.  Very different reasons for both - and likely nothing that can ever be combined into one place.  Has anyone found that one perfect place?  Does it exist?  Maybe for them.  Not for me.

ANYWAY - enough of that...have you cracked that beer?  Now turn on your preferred music player service; Pandora, iWhatever, Amazon Prime for me (thank you Amazon for a decent player that works in Belize and doesn't suck up hardly any bandwidth).  Plug in one of the following stations - John Denver, Mumford, no...make it John Denver; but the Amazon one is better than the iWhatever one.

There needs to be a strong point made right here - no people are being mentioned in this post.  Not because I don't miss anyone!  I miss loads of people terribly.  But there's simply not enough space on blogger to describe all the people I miss and all the ways I miss them.  So don't be offended that you aren't listed - cause you ARE MISSED.

Big Red Racing - Rally Colorado

A rally race weekend - Man o man.  What an amazing time those are.  Road tripping with the boys (sorry...NO NAMES!!); even towing disasters lead to plenty of cool experiences and adventures.  A couple days of driving, a few days of mad wrenching and racing and running all over the place. Basically no sleep, little food, some beers here and there, lots of sweat, some tears (from knuckle busting usually), and endless good times.  Must do that again.

Long camp trips - totally unplugged.  It was awesome...I'd tell people "I'll be checking my phone at least once a day here and there over the next week or so till I get back" and I fully intended to.  Then I pulled off onto the dirt, and by the time I was 10 miles from nowhere and even farther from electricity and cell service - that phone sat in the console for the next week.  Oops.   Time with the people on these trips was some of the best time I ever spent in my life.  One year I spent 3 days alone in the bush before they arrived.  I went to "stake" out a campsite and was more than happy to spend a bit of time naked in nature.  I hunted my dinner and scavenged my lunch...scavenged out of the cooler and hunted steaks from the icebox.

I wonder if I'll die if I go too long without looking at the world from the top of a mountain.  Seeing peaks upon endless peaks.  Wondering how a world with so many people on it can seem so vast and empty.  Feeling the chill of the mountain breeze work it's way throw your layered clothes and onto your skin.

Mountain biking, sledding, hiking, road biking - even though I tended to keep to the bike trails as I didn't want to get run over.

Sitting on my patio.  Thunder storms, chasing tornados, rain, hot chocolate as the snow falls...

A dear friend once called me a Hobbit.  As I look at the adventures of life, and the things I miss...I realize more and more she is right.  I'm a Hobbit.  Even my feet are hairy.

Ramblings of a Fool

Gaylynn and Eric after
chalk party @ Caye Caulker
Lobster Fest 2015

Well hello again.  Suppose I've been away from this a bit long...I looked through my "drafts" and realized I've started a good many blogs and not completed a one - so I elected to crumple them up and throw them all in the bin; such as it is anyway.  Kinda anti climactic to just delete a draft really.  I was seriously tempted to print them, crumple them, and chuck them in a bin.  It's always looked so fun in the old movies...just another item lost to technology I suppose.

So what have I been up too?  Crap tons really.  Since we've spoken I've done lobster fest in San Pedro and Caye Caulker, 4th of July, my good friend Kira came to visit, BTB Awards dinner, got voted on the Belize Tourism Industry Association board...so crap tons.  The real issue is I got kinda bored talking about doing cool stuff.  It become mundane pretty easily really.  I mean Jake from State Farm hula hooping with a rip in his pants so 'mini Jake' is on display is something everyone wants to read about...but I just got tired of writing about it.

Sue, East, Eric eating lobster @
San Pedro Lobster Fest 2015

 I wrote a lot of blogs, well 1/2 blogs that I crumpled for the bin, on the more emotional/thoughtful side of life - you know...what this blogspot was originally intended for...but never took the effort to really sit down, finish a thought and put it out there. Here I sit a year out from leaving my job, almost a year out from leaving Colorado, and 11 months out from leaving the US behind. I have no idea where that time has gone.  Time flies.

The older you get the faster time goes, but my God...if it continues at this pace I'll be dead before I know it.  Last night at the BTB Awards they gave some special acknowledgements to Celi Nunez McCorkle for all she's done for San Pedro.  It was astonishing to see what she had done over the course of her life; the community that came up around her efforts, love, and dedication to Ambergris Caye.  Many times I look at my life and realize I have no idea where 36 years has vanished, and I have a real fear the next 36 (okay I'd be lucky to get another 20) will be gone tomorrow with nothing to show.

Then I realize that maybe I don't need anything to show.  What does one really need to "show" for their life, other than a life well lived?  I think perhaps this will be another blog post...

Good night.

Firework from Caribbean Villas 4th of July

PS - The 4th of July party needs a mention here...wow oh wow you put on a show Peter and Caribbean Villas.  I mean holy cow you blew my socks off.  Bit of genius maneuvering there near the end as well.  The fireworks were supposed to kick off at 730, but "the boat captain was late" (year right) so the show didn't start till much later - but I didn't notice.  I easily had 4 more drinks and hung out with numerous friends and didn't even really notice the delay.  If the entire couple hundred people had a few more drinks too - then that was a very profitable "delay".  Though a show like that could not be cheap - I've heard rumors of $10K (not sure if BZ or US); but the show was PHENOMENAL.  For a Brit to throw a party for the US Independence day and come out of pocket for that many explosive devices...spot on.  Go to Pedro's and congratulate him on the show in the best way possible - ringing that damn bell.

Meeting with Myself (aka - That hooker may stab me yet)

I'll try and throw some random pics in this post to keep your interest...but in reality it's mostly words and thoughts and hooker that wanted to fight me - I'm sure you're thinking "a hooker fight would make for a good photo/video op"...and I'm sure you're right; however that wasn't top of mind at the moment.  For the protection of the innocent and out of lack of desire to call out the guilty I have changed many of the names (but not all) in this passage.  Over the past couple weeks I've really been looking at life, and the interrelationship of long term and short term "happiness".  What does it take to achieve them? Can you have both? Or will one destroy the other?

This isn't a 'hold my beer and watch' or 'so shit there I was' story...though I was holding a drink, and if I must be honest tasting Carla's Sweet Nipples.  Sorry Jake From Statefarm..but they are sweet.  Okay before you think I'm being a horrible ass; this is a drink that Jake invented moments earlier named after his girlfriends sweet nipples (I don't know that they are sweet, but I due trust Jake wouldn't lie about his girl's nipples).  I really like typing the word nipples.

Deliciousness interlude - went to Casa Picasso with Boola (aka - Eric) - Lobster Sliders and Filet...

Lobster Slider from Casa Picasso

Filet from Casa Picasso

Let me just say that the filet was amazing...mmmm.  The Lobster Sliders - out of this world.  In the words of Eric "holy shit....for the first time in months I forgot about In-N-Out." The bun is crisp, yet butter exists in massive amounts in there somewhere. This dish truly defeats at least two laws of physics...

Here's where the heavy starts.  Didn't realize it at the time - but 6 hours later, at 4am, with a lot of rum in my blood, and loads of water in my tummy, it landed.  Really it's still landing; or at least the rippling effects and implications of the life lesson.  The truth behind the night.  The introspective odyssey was beginning, and it all started with a guy named "Raven".

So I'm drinking a Carla's Sweet Nipples when Raven walks down the bar, passing plenty of vacant stools, opting to take his place beside me.  A true 'salty dog' sailor if I've ever met one.  Shoulder length gray hair, a beard far more full and masculine than I can grow...also grayed by the years. He had about 40 years on me; most spent sailing around the Mediterranean - a few pretty crazy adventures I enjoyed hearing about - with his most recent years being spent in the mountains of Mexico.  He had spent his life jumping from adventure to adventure; and had no doubt achieved short term happiness in bunches.  You could see it on his face as he talked.

Fun times interlude - Another fun experience with the Boola.

Sunset Sailing

Happy Birthday Sunset Sailing

 It was very nice cruising around and watching the sunset on Eric's birthday.  Good Times for sure.  If you haven't experienced a Sunset cruise with us...WTF?  Realy?!  Call me...maybe.  Is that still a thing?  Still don't understand it - getting old.

After a drink and some chat he disappeared down the street...only to return a few minutes later with two 'hourly friends'.  He took his seat at the other end of the bar; gave me a nod and wave, and bought his rented sense of happiness a couple drinks (dust starts settling in the mind).  Their to go cups full of booze came; and Raven paid for the drinks.  That's when the got interesting in two ways...

You'll hear about my hooker fight in the next interlude (interesting way #1); for now let's stay with the main feature - as I gave Raven that 'see you later' wave, and that's when I saw it in his eyes.  His face smiled; but the eyes were empty.  He was headed out with short term happiness, and the eyes showed his knowledge that it wasn't leading to long term happiness.

None of this really landed till hours later, but sure enough it was there...finally, and after weeks of 1/2 thoughts it was complete (though the ripples still flow through my consciousness).  My answer is that to be short sighted and seek happiness in the short term is not necessarily a bad thing - but you do have to be prepared to accept that an inevitable consequence can very well be the loss of long term happiness.

"So Shit There I Was" interlude - Raven had paid for his drinks.

Photo completely unrelated
to the story...just needed a picture.

He was leaving with his new friend "Lazy Lizard"; and being the nice gent he is put a pretty little tip out for my pal Bartender Mo - the hardest working bar tender in all of Belize.  He earns those tips...but apparently Lazy Lizard didn't think so - she reached over and stole my friends tip.  Before my brain even knew what my mouth was going to say, "You fucking bitch" went flying from my lips and smacked her right in the face from across the bar.  She of course hit DEFON 4, black out, I'm gonna kill a guy mode.  Screaming at me and about to flying through the air and rip my face off...but luckily for me her desire to make some money over ruled her desire to kill me.  Her friend carried her off into the night; still with my friends money in her pocket.  I'd like to think I could take an 80 pound hooker in a fight...but she looks like a crafty one.

I'm not about to pretend I have all the answers.  Though I now very much understand that happiness and "good" are intertwined on both a short and long term basis.  Making decisions to satisfy short term happiness must lead to a long term good as well.  I won't talk about the specifics of why I've been pondering this - but it very much comes down to decision making.  If you choose a short term happiness you better make sure it may not negate a potential long term happiness.  Not always easy to see, or understand...but you owe it to yourself to try.  Short and long term happiness are not mutually exclusive by any means; but we have a choice in short term happinesses.  I will do my best to choose the ones that lead down the path to long term happiness.  At times that may mean sacrificing a short term happiness so it doesn't interfere - I just pray to be wise enough to recognize those times.

I doubt I'm making much sense at this point - big finish time...

I suppose Raven was just a guy visiting Belize.  Though I feel like I sat beside myself.  I came in and showed me what would be if I stopped looking at the long term.  I don't want to be an old salty dog sailor with hourly friends.  I'm gonna choose to make decisions for a long term happiness.

Kinda hoping I live long enough to find said long term happiness...but that hooker may stab me yet!

2015 - Bring it On!

Photo by Karen Brodie 
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

What a year!  Was it a good year, or a bad year?  Or was it just a year?  Hmmm - there is certainly no simple answer to that; because it was all of those.  I mean heck, a year is 365 days so you're bound have a few wave crests and valleys right (no more roller coaster references...I'm sure most folks here haven't ever seen a roller coaster - I mean we barely have cars!).  To the few of you that will not realize I'm a whimsical SOB and just got thoroughly offended by my comment...sorry, not sorry (stolen phrase from Matt Hoy that has been thoroughly absorbed into my lexicon)!

Photo by Karen Brodie
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

Having a birthday only a few days away from the New Year is a great thing.  Not only do I get to start a new calendar year, but also my personal year begins anew.  Usually I do not reminisce or build resolutions or any of that bunk; while I remain without a resolution, this is a year to take stock, to look back a bit and think, to realize I should've eaten more Country Fried Steaks before moving to Belize, and finally to email Google and ask them why Chrome still doesn't think "should've" is a valid contraction...cause it is.

Photo by Karen Brodie 
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

So why the long drawn out intro?  Most accurately because I do hope most of you are no longer reading.  I feel like my honestly hurts people, and on a very selfish level I feel the honestly below may hurt the way people think of me - but this blog is about my life, and it ain't all pretty. As the vast majority of you no doubt know, Tristan and I separated almost a year and half.  We completed the paper work in 2014.  What I don't feel people know is the truth behind the path.  Not that there is any big secret or event - just as life goes people jump on sides and make assumptions.  But I feel I have to say this (well write it, cause I don't talk words well). The majority of people rode the middle and never openly took a side, but there is still frustrations that exist.  It is what if is people.  When I review my mental 2014 and 2013 I see a lot of things I sucked at - still talking about the marriage.  I wasn't easy, I wasn't warm, I wasn't open, I wasn't a lot of things that I needed to be.

Many of you blame Tristan for leaving; but do you blame me for not chasing?  Do you blame me being the one that mentally checked out before Tristan physically (as in left) checked out?  And if not...why not?  My best friend Mark got married while Tristan and I were beginning with these issues over two years back. During my best man speech I offered these words (or close to) - "a marriage is very much like that fabled field where you reap what you sew.  If you put crap in, you'll get crap out; however if you invest love, patience, compassion, and understanding then you will get all those back."  I did invest crap, and I knew it when I basically told Mark to do better than I did.   Not that the wife was perfect either...but still I feel I needed people to understand I have my fair share (probably more) of the culpability here.

Photo by Karen Brodie 
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

Either way - the past is history, full of lessons to be learned, but with no events to regret. That's right, I'm very much one of those "regret nothing" people.   I don't think "what if" thoughts are helpful, and are in fact very harmful.  None of that matters!  You are where you are, and you have a choice - you can either grow or don't.  I will always choose to grow. Through the process of the separation/divorce and therapy involved therein - I did learn a great deal about me, what makes me tick, and where I find value, happiness, joy and those things to invest in.  Shortly thereafter I got an offer that would allow me to hit on those things - to get away from what was pulling me down and put myself on a path towards 'back to good' and have a good shot at 'great' at some point the future.  So yada yada BELIZE! I kinda think a lot of people here, have a story that has that chapter "Yada Yada BELIZE!"

Photo by Karen Brodie 
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

Down here it seems no asks about the past, at least not the detailed version - and that fits me just fine cause I'm keener to deal in the present and look to the future.  I'm still learning the ins and outs of a charter company and a dive shop - but enjoying it for sure.  Haven't had a day off in over 3 months, and you know what...I really don't mind.  Though I could use a chiropractic adjustment.  The best part of San Pedro is it very much fits the life style I wanted.  I can live within a few blocks radius, I have the ocean, great friends, family, and just lacking cold and snow.  I've met some really great people in 2014 too.  Not that any of them can replace any of the great people I miss from the states. But it's not about replacing is it?  It's about community.

Photo by Karen Brodie 
www.karenbrodie.com
www.facebook.com/kbrodiephotography

A life in a different country really helps you develop a sense of community, and a deeper appreciation for it.  When you can understand the struggle of people, and witness the joys found despite them - it helps you gain perspective.  I kinda feel like if we could take every youth from America and pack in 12 months of living in another country into their brain then the States would be a much better place!

I'm happily looking forward to 2015 and 36 (yeah, I'm that old). I look forward to expanding Ecologic, to developing relationships with new friends, a chance to visit old friends and feel those hugs once again, and whatever else may exist on the horizon!  I have no doubt that lessons learned will lead to brighter tomorrows.

I took about 100 photos at our roof top New Year's party, during our 45 minute firework display, and not a one was even 1/2 as good as the one's here - thank you Karen!  I look forward to chronicling more adventures; and I'll try and put more personal stuff in.  I got away from it a bit cause I think the process may have been painful for some - and that's not my goal.  Many of you have reached out to me about moving abroad, some for logistical support/knowledge, some for basic encouragements - I'm more than happy to answer you all and help you.  It's a great thing.

Oh yeah - when are some of you fools gonna come visit?!

Interesting Factoids:

• Two of you will send me info on typos and grammar issues
• More web crawlers with read this blog than actual people
• All of you think 'cause' isn't appropriate as a shortened version of 'because' and I disagree with each and every one of you
• One Travel Writer (that shall remain unnamed) will comment on another bloggers Facebook page about something I did to piss her off...but OMG a Travel Writer reads my blog!!!  *Girly scream*
• 1 out of 10 people that say they'll visit actually will
• I have far more chat windows open than can be healthy for proper conversing - and LARRY just joined in!!
• I have a really long white hair and I have no idea where it came from...

So...that was Christmas?

Electric trees at The Phoenix

I've struggled mightily with where to go with this post - it was Christmas and all; but do I just talk about my experience, do I lament a Colorado Christmas, do I get all emotional? Well I'm going to try and do a combo here...cause it was all of those, so I suppose I owe it to you to attempt a recreate of that. However I will do so in clearly defined sections (FYI - I failed); whereas the reality was much more of a mish-mash kinda thing going on (yeah, that is how this posted ended up...for the most part).

Ah...yeah

The night of the 24th, that's Christmas eve of course, is usually a time of family, a time of calm.  As a kid I'd've been at church, singing carols.  In my adult life I'd spent many Christmas Eves doing just the same.  The saddest part of the 2014 model for Christmas was the snow...or more accurately stark lack there of.  This one did have rum, and Jager, and more rum.  Though the picture on the right would make one think I drank more than my share; this was not the case.  I'm just okay looking like an idiot.  I won some Crazy 8s, hung out with DJ A.Hoy (aka Johnny BoomBox) and sat in a bar that had a bunch of dudes and only two chicks (other than the bar tender)...it just so happened those two chicks were at my table! SCORE!  Before anyone gets too excited, it was DJ A.Hoy's wife (aka - The Untaggable One, aka Sara), and Karen (Sara's mom) - good company for sure.  They pretty much dominated me at Crazy 8s, but I did win the last game before it was time to put a wig on and allow Linda (another girl arrived!) to live out her life long dream of braiding an ornament in my beard.

Eric (Superman), me and Raquel (Ms. Belize)

After that thrilling shin dig Johnny BoomBox and I dropped the ladies off and and hit the town in real guy night style - one drink, some street tacos, and in bed \before the big hand on my watch had gone around another turn.

I did however get a picture with Ms. Belize!!  I kinda want to go to Lola's now...but I'd rather finish this post and go to bed - we're REALLY busy right now (my brother just informed "I am" accompanying him to Sanbar...okay...twist my arm).

Eric wearing "the wig"

I never knew I had a Mexican brother till now

Christmas morning was much more like Christmas afternoon - had to work a 1/2 day in the am...first time I've worked a Christmas in I don't know how many years!  I can't tag my brother cause that annoys him; but I can apparently post pictures of him wearing the "Ambergris Caye Drunken Wig of Power" (as I have so coined the wig) and post the picture.  It was also nice that this year I really wanted nothing; no material needs down here - so much about life here that everyone should experience.  I did score some sweet gifts, including but not limited to a Wallet Ninja, excellent multi tool, bad ass shirts (including a new Master Baiter shirt...love them), and the DVD & book set about the making, and post experiences of all the folks involved with Northern Exposure - my favorite TV show of all time.

Our Tree

Family opening gifts

It didn't feel like Christmas.  There was no time off, there was very little family, there was no snow, there were minimal carols...it just didn't feel like Christmas.  It doesn't help that these last few weeks have been beyond emotionally confusing on so many levels - yet another slew of unfinished blog posts that will likely NEVER see the light of say...protection of the innocent and all (I point at that but in reality I'm still not very good at baring my heart to all...or any really).  It's been a lot of years since I didn't have a nice home cooked breakfast; it was either chorizo burritos or sausage cheese muffins for the last dozen years.  This year it was the 'Belizean Breakfast' at Red Ginger (which I will say is an excellent place to eat; just like all the other unique places on this island...hope this pleases a certain travel writer I upset in a previous post).

Parker, lady I don't know, Victoria and Aimee at the Pig Roast

Victoria the Muffin Nosed Reindeer

Christmas dinner was killer. Sandbar had a Pig and Turkey Roast that was to die for - how much you ask?  $0 - family pot luck style.  I can't wait for the 2nd Annual, and I'm very happy to be able to partake in the 1st Annual.

I ate a lot of meat that night...

The highlight of the night may or may not have been when Parker and I may or may not have split a muffin with each other...by putting 1/2 in each mouth and ripping it apart...allegedly.

David, Linda, Easton, Sue, Eric at the Pig Roast

The 26th was another 1/2 day of work - 1/2 day of fun.  This time the fun was taking the whole Ecologic Team out on a nice little sail with snacks, music, and beverages.  I have no pictures cause Pops took about a million and they are on his camera...and likely will be for rest of eternity. Lots of hanging out and relaxing, lots of wind in my hair, lots of easy ways to impress kids - like the feeding the birds with the hand trick; kids love that and I haven't lost a finger yet.  Charlie and I also had a nice moment with Janel...we "Night at the Roxbury'd" her a good one.  When Charlie and I get going you can't get away to save your life!

My friend Barbara posted about how Christmas just wasn't the same this year (her and her hubby's first on the island as well).  I can certainly echo that (and I do paraphrase this from her) - though we live in a physical paradise, many people really don't realize that it isn't an emotional paradise.  No longer paraphrasing, back to my thoughts.  The contrast can be staggering between the sunny beauty that surrounds us here daily, and the dark sadness that can invade the lives of those in this wonderland.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not is some state of deep depression.  I do feel some sadness about many things; however have both decided to not talk about them and I tend to look at the bright side anyway...I like to earn the moniker "Optimist Prime" as given by Tristan.  So anyway, I will look to an entire ocean of possibilities, the friends I've made (both here and abroad), the friends and family back home (I didn't realize I referred to some unknown place in the States as "home" till the 3rd proof read - my subconscious obviously does not find this paradise to be home), and the mountain of challenges that I like to call opportunities.

The New Year will bring some great things...but that's another blog.  Merry Christmas friends, family, people I have yet to meet, and people I'll never meet.    

Buddy loves a Christmas Tree

Bailey loves the lights

A month in...

Well I've survived 30 days.  I suppose that shouldn't be much of a surprise, but none the less feels like quite a feat!  I live in a very small world down here.  My general daily radius is easily within a 1/2 mile from my house.  Its such a funny thing - two months ago I drove 25.4 miles to work each morning; just shorter than the total length of this island.  Now to think about going a few miles away requires a bit of planning.  But now I have a bike, and my world is opened a bit.

Used that bike to cruise over the Coco Locos's Beach Bar as they were having a celebration for my anniversary of being here one month!  They called it something about their 2nd Anniversary, but we know way they were really celebrating.  I must say, their rum punch is very pricey ($5 US) but after two I was in no shape to drive...but if I can breath, I can bike.  Coco Loco is a gringo joint...not sure I'll be back much as I like the cheap local places - despite them throwing me a party.

Friends - It's good to have people to hang out with.  Sure I'm a fun guy and all, but I get tired of myself after awhile.  Bingo night Fridays at the Lion's Club proved to be a profitable adventure for me.  Thank you Shelly for the invite!

It's also great to have friends from the states come down.  Brian and Alix made the voyage this month and we had quite the time!  Lots of Pain Killers went down the hatch - learned a very important lesson, pay for the coconut rum and NEVER use the Cream of Coconut some recipes call for; leaves chunks of coconut which is totally gross.  Had to strain that batch as I poured it into cups.  While they were here we went to Hol Chan and Shark Ray Alley, snorkeled with tons of sharks.  Had some good ole fashion hang out with friends time.  Went to some Belizean Independence day celebrations.  Drank some Orange Joeliuses on a yacht...good times had by all.  More people need to come down!

Nicknames - People always pick up nicknames.  Where they come from is usually hard to pin down; though I shall die being known as BEAV to many!  If I can pin this down it goes something like this - in High School I'd get it done!  Count on me baby!  Well my last name is Beymer...similar to Beaver (a favorite school boy subject...if I must explain then God bless you).  So at some point Mark Gerschefske found a paper with the Leave it To Beaver cast on it.  He cut it out, changed Beaver to Beymer and taped it to my back window...I am the BEAV.  Even the parents of my High School friends still call me Beav.

Down here no one knows that.  I have apparently been given two different names; Big Guy, and Moses.  Big Guy is easy...I'm likely one of the biggest guys on the island.  Though at my current rate they'll only be able to call me that for a few more months.  Walking everywhere, swimming, certainly having some positive effects.  Moses is an interesting one.  A few different people have used it - maybe its the long goatee?  Once a guy yelled "hey Moses!" as I walked past, so I stopped took a few steps into the ocean and lifted my hands...no water separated.  Turned back and said - I'm not Moses. I started thinking about it as I've heard it a few more times - in some weird and arrogant way I like the name.  Moses was an introvert, I'm an introvert.  Moses was a great leader of nations...I could only hope to be 1/2 the person that Moses was.  I shall try my best.

Food - Lots of places have been closed through September as it's slow season, and really for the most part I don't eat at restaurants anyway - those are for rich gringos.  The street vendors and the little hole in the wall locals joints are where the amazingness happens.  To hear my folks talk (who have lived in San Pedro for 6 months every year for the past 5 years) about how there is no good food down here...I'm not sure where they eat; guessing those rich gringo joints.


You see that mass of Chicken Chow Mein in that picture?  Well that thing feed me for 3 lunches, yes 3!  It's super yummy and cost of whole $8. Now keep in mind, I'm talking $8 Belize dollars.  At a 2:1 exchange I paid $4 for 3 delicious lunches.  I do enjoy cooking my own food (I made a delicious version of DJ's Berkley Cafe's Kitchen Sink today...yummy - pictured just down and right), but it's really nice to have easy access quality food.  Boogie's Belly (love the name!) being the top of the line.  Stuffed Fry Jacks, stuffed waffles, $5 belize...I can eat an entire meal down here for 1/2 of what most of you pay for your coffee.  Boogie also has the best chicken and waffles I've ever eaten; but a mile!

Lesson in Belizean food - Sausage is NEVER sausage.  It's usually a hot dog, but if it's not a hot dog then its bologna...deal with it.  I was all pumped one morning for pancakes and sausage; it was pancakes and bologna.  Honestly I hadn't had fried bologna in likely 20 years, and when eaten with the pancake it was really quite good. I since have had it in a breakfast burrito - pretty good again.

Dating - Only including this section because several inquiring minds want to know.  I still think "date" is a dirty four letter word.  If I look beyond my jaded self a bit and into an alternate reality not twisted by my personal events - then the logistics really make it tough anyway.  I really don't want to spread stereotypes that may or may not be accurate; so I think it best if I just leave this alone for now.  Let's just say it's a very different culture...husbands have girlfriends, wive's have boyfriends, girls want babies and reasons to latch on.  I want no part of any of that.  So I'm just staying my happy little self away from it all!  Keeping my head down and trying to grow a business right now.


Fun - I will admit there isn't near enough to put in this category. My sense of needing to work and get a handle on the logistics of this company have really left me between the shop and the internet. We did take a sailing vacation for a few days - and that was heavenly.  Nothing like quietly cruising along using the power of the wind - all you hippies and hipsters should be sailors.  I'm a bit ashamed to admit I haven't even scuba dove yet!  I'm a bit nervous...it's been a few years.  I told the guys next dive at Hol Chan I was going!  That's an easy refresher dive, starts at 3 feet, ends at 30...if the crap hits the fan at 30 feet it's an "easy" accent.

Future - I'm nervous and excited for the future.  Don't really want to share to much at this point; but I see some very promising business ventures on the horizon.  I also see some very very busy times ahead for me too - turns out I'll be running the dive shop for the time being (our wonderful and long time GM is leaving the industry)!  There are several factors that make Belize very hot right now.  I see some significant change and and entire ocean of opportunity.  Even with the potential businesses, my biggest personal goal right now is to get my captains license.  I really want to be able to take a cat out, sail, be in the still quite air.  I watched a YouTube video on sailing once...so I think I'm good.